Two Butt Kitchen’s Neighborhood

My favorite Christmas Carol is "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman." It is probably no coincidence that this is also the only actual Christmas carol mentioned by name in "A Christmas Carol." The Christmas in my head is a decidedly English affair, and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen strikes me as the most English of carols.

I got a yen to hear my favorite Christmas song earlier today, so I headed on over to iTunes to buy myself a copy. I was hoping for a version sung by fat, jolly English baritone types, possibly with an orchestra. This is what I got.

Tidings of comfort and joy

The Greater Washington Metropolitan area suffered a snowpocalypse this weekend, and I've been apartment-bound with CarrieNation for going on 36 hours now. If Facebook is any indication, people are just beside themselves about all their lost productivity during The Great Blizzard of 2009, but we think it's just dandy. I don't know how long it would take me to get bored of hanging out with my wife, watching movies, reading books and playing video games, but I'm willing to find out. 

I've never been a big fan of dance music. It might have something to do with the fact that I can't dance...or that most dance music sucks, or maybe it's a little from column A and a little from column B.

Not only have I never been a big fan of dance music, but there has also never been a time in my life at which I've had less use for it. I was never a big clubber (clubbite) even as a young single fellow. Now that I'm married I can think of approximately 7,000 things I'd rather do than go to a dance club, including #4,506 (staring into middle space) and #5,092 (flicking around a ball of lint).

So it is a little surprising to me that my new favorite artist is kabillion-selling dance-pop sensation Lady Gaga.

It started when I downloaded her ubiquitous hit Poker Face in an effort to make our wedding playlist more relevant to the young folks. Unlike most dance music, which I find gets worse with repeated listening, I found myself coming back to Ms. Gaga's weird ode to whatever it is she's singing about. Lately I've been scouring YouTube for more gaga clips, including my latest favorite, Bad Romance.

There is nothing quite like a hot, soothing bowl of homemade chicken soup, especially when your sick or when the weather starts getting cold. I am sure many of us have fond memories of Mom or Grandma fixing up a hot bowl of chicken soup when we were younger. Remember how comforting it was and how good it made you feel? I sure do and I look forward to making chicken soup at least once a month during the cold days of winter. I am going to share with you one of the most delicious recipes for chicken soup, passed down to me from my Grandmother. It is quite easy to make and I promise you will enjoy this again and again…

I rarely follow exact measurements while cooking, so the ingredients below are approximated. Please forgive me in advance..

INGREDIENTS

2 Large Chicken Breasts on the Bone, Skin on

3 Large Celery Stalks Sliced (Reserve Leaves)

3 Large Carrots Sliced

1 Medium Onion Chopped

3 Cloves of Garlic Crushed

2 Medium Russet Potatoes Cubed

1 Cup of Small Pasta for Soup (Orzo, Ditalini)

Water

Chicken Stock

Salt and Pepper to Taste

Grated Italian Cheese (Optional)

Bouquet garni of Thyme, Sage and Rosemary (Instructions Below)

DIRECTIONS

Step 1 - Heat 2 tablespoons of olive oil in a large pot over medium high heat. Add the chicken breasts skin side down and brown.

Step 2 - Add water and chicken stock to the pot. Add a 50/50 mixture of water and chicken stock. The chicken stock gives the soup a boost in flavor. Add enough liquid so that the chicken is completely submerged, plus a little more.

Step 3 - Add celery leaves, garlic and Bouquet Garni (instructions follow). Bring liquid to a boil, then cover and simmer. Cook chicken on a low simmer until you can easily pull the chicken off the bone. One chicken is done, remove it from the pot and place it on a large plate. Remove the garlic and bouquet from pot and discard.

Bouquet Garni Instructions/Description

A bouquet Garni is just a fancy French name for a bundle of herbs that can be added to stocks, soups and stews. When translated to English it means: “garnished bouquet”. It is very easy to make. You can either tie the bundle together using strings or you can wrap it in cheesecloth. I like to use the cheesecloth as it keeps the herbs contained so that they do not fall off and become part of the soup. If you don’t mind the herbs in the final soup, you can wrap it with string. This bundle of herbs will impart a deliciously rich flavor to the broth.

Step 4 - Add the onion, potatoes, celery and carrots to the pot. Bring to a boil, then cover and simmer until the vegetables are tender.

Step 5 - Add your pasta and cook along with vegetables until pasta is al dente.

Step 6 - While the pasta is cooking, pull chicken from the bone and shred into bite size pieces. Add the chicken to the pot and stir.

Step 7 - Serve. Top with grated cheese if desired. Enjoy!

Visit Chefability.com for more great cooking recipes.

With two weeks to go in December, I've posted 104 times in 2009, and am well on my way to successfully completing my second challenge in as many years. It's a little disappointing that Jodi hasn't failed just yet, but 'tis the season for miracles, and I remain hopeful.

In other news, I bought "Flash's Theme" on iTunes and have been listening to it obsessively this week.

So I was in the Whole Foods today, like any good yuppie, buying my hemp cereal and gmo-free, eight-dollar milk, when I noticed something funny in the tea aisle.

Smooothh

Now, I like a vile scatological pun as much as (read: a lot more than) the next guy, but I'm not expecting them at my local overpriced green grocer. And it wasn't just the one. Smirking poop jokes seem to be the norm for upscale laxative teas.

Oh by all means

My friend Hotrod has a lot of things going for him: excellent taste in baked goods; strong public speaking and some very nifty dance moves, but on matters sporting, he is -- I think we can all agree --  a hypocrite.

For those of you not interested in sports, this may require a little explanation. It is typical, in sporting circles, for fans to choose their favorite sporting teams in early childhood. It may seem cruel to force a child into such a critical lifelong decision, but in virtually all cases, the choice is a simple matter of geography. You root for the team that comes from where you come from. Sometimes a child will chose a team based on his parents' sporting affiliations, but in general, it's a pretty obvious decision.

Cut to Hotrod. He was born in Michigan...or Ohio -- depending on which day you ask him -- two states with excellent representation in the National Football League. Now while it may be true that the Detroit Lions, Cleveland Browns and Cincinnati Bengals have not been world-beaters, they are all proud franchises with rich histories. Sadly, not all people have the the intestinal fortitude to support a team that occasionally loses, so young Hotrod randomly chose to support a team from Pennsylvania: the Pittsburgh Steelers...who just happened to be the best team in football.

Now we might be inclined to give him a pass on this less-than-gallant behavior, if it were an isolated incident, but sadly, it's not.

One of the corollaries to the geographic rule of sports affiliation is that if you root for one team from a city, you also support the other teams that represent that city. Hotrod, not one to support the proud, but underfunded Pittsburgh Pirates, chose for his favorite baseball team the New York Yankees : winners of the most championships in baseball history.

In college football, Hotrod backs Michigan, quite simply, the winningest college football program of all time. But he stops being a Wolverine during basketball season, so that he can root for Michigan's deadly rival, Michigan State, a perennial basketball powerhouse.

Finally, we come to Hockey. During last year's Stanley Cup Finals, I tried to take a shot at Hotrod, who'd been rooting hard for the Pittsburgh Penguins against my Washington Capitals in the semi-final round. When informed him that I hoped the the Detroit Red Wings beat his Penguins in the finals, he calmly informed me that he was a fan of both teams, and thus couldn't lose. That pretty much says it all.

F. Terrible.

A few months ago, I made a shameful admission. At the time, my new favorite band was Matt and Kim, a band I had discovered by way of a television commercial for Bacardi Rum. I posited that this was surely the lamest manner in which I had ever discovered a band that I liked. I was pretty low about it at the time, but this weekend, I sunk far, far lower.

I was minding my own business, enjoying a virtual stroll through my Vox neighborhood when I stumbled on a Thanksgiving post by Laurie. In it she remarked that the tin-eared Capn' Crunch had turned her on to a band called Metric. Hoping to find something new to ridicule, I fired up the old YouTubes to sneer at Cappy's recommendation. And sneer I did...for about 30 seconds until the hook cut in and damnit all to hell if they aren't really good. I'm not big on the whole Broken Social Scene, uh, scene, but this was different: poppier, sharper, more engaging. After searching in vain for a song I didn't like, I put in an Amazon order for their latest effort, Fantasies.

This is a new low for me. I don't feel good about it. Now that I've crossed this line, I'm not sure what's next. Before you know it, I'll be eating cheese stakes steaks (it has already begun - ed.) and beating up innocent tourists. Pray for me.